Backhand of Justice

I have to admit I’m a little late to the modern gaming scene. I held out on getting anything besides a Wii strictly for the fact that it was just too damn expensive. But finally, I broke down and bought a Playstation 3.

Better graphics? Whatever, my TV is so old I might actually look WORSE than my old systems. But it satisfies me. It satisfies me on a whole other level, beyond the game. This is all because it satisfies my undying obsessive compulsive thirst for trophies. It was something I always wanted but never realized.

I used to read about Xbox 360 ‘Achievement Whores’ who would play even the worst of games just to get some rad points on their Gamerscore. Whatever, I don’t even know what that means. That was then. This is now.

[This was the first guest article by Mr. John Johanas from our Tokyo branch. He sent it out just prior to Godzilla destroying the city. May it be a fitting eulogy - Ed]

Gateway Drug

My first platinum trophy was Katamari Tribute. It’s funny how it gets you. They always throw in the easy ones right in the beginning. Roll up your first Katamari, Play 10 rounds of Verses mode. Then they got you by the balls. A good percentage of my overall time on the game was spent rolling up that last item. It was a bearcow. It doesn’t exist in real life and I wouldn’t even care about it if it did. The only reason I care is because it was the only thing preventing me from that sweet sweet 100% platinum on my Crossbar interface. One thing is for sure: if a trophy was not involved in all of this, this game would have already been shelved.

I like to finish things. I’ll go for 100% because it feels satisfying. It makes me feel like I finished the game. However, I draw the line somewhere. If some task is so unbelievably hard or time consuming, I’ll pass. As long as the story is complete and I feel satisfied, thats enough for me.

That's right Ratchet, platinum. I own you now! You too, Clank ... into the salt mines.

Assigning a percentage to what I consider ‘complete’ takes it to another level. When RPGs give the player a ratio or percentage to item collection/bestiary/side quests, it’s a challenge. It makes you want to go for that 100 percent, but the bottom line is, you don’t have to. The data in those games exists within the realm of the game. Trophies and Achievements are different so now you have to make the effort. Even if I pawn off my copy of Ratchet and Clank, the fact that I didn’t play the game a second time to get the Hard mode trophies remains etched in my soul (read: trophy list). I see it and it reminds me of my failure as a player to conquer my game.

Some may see that as a problem, or even an addiction, but at least I know I’m not alone. The fact that phrases like ‘Achievement Whore’ actually exist makes this a larger issue. The difference between me and them is that I play only the games I like.

Mixed motivation

This has, however, actually stopped my from playing games. A good example is the White Knight Chronicles, which is due out next year. I’ve been a fan of Level 5 for a while and was looking forward to the inevitable American release. No longer. I don’t even care about it anymore since I am not getting it. The reason being because it is apparently the hardest platinum to get for any game on the Playstation 3.

The developer even claims that there might be no one who gets it and to do so would require over 1,000 hours of play time. This is beyond my reach and therefore buying the game is an automatic failure for me. It’s like taking the GRE when you are in Elementary school. Nothing is stopping you, but you aren’t going to pass.

We know two things about White Knight Chronicles: 1) The game is impossible and 2) If the White Knight had been in Tokyo to protect against Godzilla, disaster could have been averted. Yukio Hatoyama prevented his entry into Japan. You have blood on your hands, sir.

The bottom line is that of Sony’s two smart decisions about the Playstation 3 in its lifetime, requiring trophies for games is one of them (the other being lowering the price). For people like me, even if it means neglecting some games,  I get more play time out of the software I do play and it increases my enthusiasm for games I consider ‘within my scope.’ Plus, it feeds the urge. For those who don’t care about trophies, they just ignore them. No loss, no gain.

Crippling embarrassment

When I got that two second notice in the top right hand corner of my screen indicating that I received my first platinum trophy for rolling up a bearcow, I was torn between the feelings of joy and embarrassment. Embarrassment that I spent hours memorizing a level in my insignificant life for something that physically means nothing. Regardless of that, I was satisfied. I immediately took the disk and skeet-shot it to confirm that ‘I don’t need you anymore.’ I have conquered digitally and physically. Game over, bub.

Who knows, this can end for me. Final Fantasy XIII comes out next week and regardless of the trophy list this game will be played. I can only hope that they are possible for me. If not, my reputation is ruined and there is no more need to continue on this manic dash for a platinum.

Final Fantasy XIII's development has only taken so long because the game is entirely pre rendered. Welcome to Night Trap for the 21st century.

There was fear before from the flood of Wii and DS twitch games that things have become overly casual. I feel that trophies and achievements are the complete opposite, showing the hardest of the hardcore (particularly in their respect for OCD fullfilament). In that respect, there is no middle. The world ill needs an average gamer such as you. Pick your side or get out.