December Boredom Relief
We have officially entered the slow period. This is the time of year in which no games are released (Except Guitar Hero: Van Halen, which is being sent out to die) and as such there is very little to discuss. As you get geared up for Christmas festivities, however, there are still a few things you can do to pass the time (other than playing Dragon Age, my top recommendation).
Without further ado, here are the six best browser games to get you hyped up for either Christmas or the Winter Olympics in February. Enjoy!
1) Learn to Fly: This is a fantastic game in which you have to teach a penguin to fly (with the help of a hang glider and rockets, the standard tools of the 21st century penguin). It is strangely addictive, and that is reason enough to play. More importantly, however, it is a useful primer released by the IOC to prepare the world for the next new olympic sport in 2014: Penguin Flying and forever rid us of our global penguin prejudice (We’re looking at you, Antigua).
2) Snow Line Rider: Everybody knows what line rider is (you draw a line and then a sledder follows it, hopefully successfully navigating the course), but this is snow line rider. How is it different? I’m going to let you figure this one out on your own …
3) Winter Workout: We know two things: 1) There are 6 billion people on earth. That means (back of the envelope of course) that Santa has to deliver 2.8×10^3 presents per picosecond in order to successfully deliver all presents globally in one night, and 2) Santa is a fat bastard who can’t stand up under his own power. How do we bring these two facts into harmony? By going on a winter workout! (Ok I’m ashamed of myself for this entire paragraph. Santa doing the long jump though? GOLD)
Whoa now Santa, put the Coca Cola down! Time to do about 100 squat thrusts, Christmas is almost here and those presents won't deliver themselves!
4) Santa’s X-Mas Nightmare: Santa has crash landed and has to protect his reindeer from the zombie horde that apparently is located at all crash landing sites. I’m not going to lie, this one could use some polish. Eventually, however, you get a laser gun. Santa + Laser gun = win. It’s just like in the song: “He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good, if you’ve been bad you get hot laser to the face! (like Columbus)” This might shock you, by the way, but I just made up those lyrics. I have no idea how that song goes.
5) Snowboarding Supreme: This would be just like any other snowboarding game, except for one thing: the Yeti judge. This isn’t just any yeti judge. He tells you to pull phat tricks. SICK GRAB, DUDE!
6) Snow Plow: Here we are … the one you’ve all been waiting for. It’s a snowy Boston morning. The roads are jammed. Massholes are out of control. You get to live the dream, and PLOW THE ROADS! WOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooOOO!!!! Get your game face on, then plow it off!
Any questions? You in the corner? Yes, this is a train snow plow. Yes, it is super hardcore. No, you don't get to play as a train in 'Snow Plow.' Yes, the life of a snow plow operator is mostly hookers and booze. No more questions
You’re still looking for games to play? Just play more Learn to Fly. You know you want to.
