Friday Links: Fat-Core Edition
Sometimes I have to wonder what it takes to get ’street cred’ these days. I used to think it involved teeth jewelry, or ‘pouring one out,’ or whatever else I gathered from seeing muted music videos at the gym. I guess I was wrong, however. To be truly hardcore, you have to murder people to steal their fat.
Apparently human fat is worth $60,000 per liquefied gallon? And here I was thinking about selling a kidney? Fat gold! Texas Tea-tree oil! Thousands of people from across the nation are going to Mississippi to pan for fat people. We had the industrial revolution. Now it’s time for population diminution.
In other news, China has agreed to take payment of our outstanding Treasuries in fat people.
Videogame Links
Interesting
Get out your wallets, CoD players, it’s about to be subscription only. Of course, this is on the heels of Activision hiring a third Call of Duty team to make Call of Duty Kart Racing and Little MW2 Planet.
MW2 players, just give up now, you’ll never top this kill.
NES conversion of Left 4 Dead. On one hand – very clever. On the other hand – goddamn NES games sucked.
‘Fail early, fail often’ is fail, amirite? Ubisoft seems to think so.
Article about the making of the Turbo film, with the film itself attached at the bottom. Sure, it’s corny, predictable and ridiculous, but it’s also the first videogame film with solid mechanics and a conceivable vision of what fighting games in the future might look like.
Videogame cosplay is usually lame Japanese girls dressing up like JRPG characters (Look at me! I’m wearing nearly nothing!). Not ideal. This is a very creative Left 4 Dead 2 spitter outfit, though. Well played.
Speaking of Cosplayers, police are still looking for Totoro, responsible for two dozen murders across the South-West
Music videogames are a bad influence on kids because they glorify the already overblown genre of classic rock? I happen to like classic rock. Back off, sir.
Stardock says Steam has a 70% market share of PC downloadable games. Time to get the EC involved in this thing that’s just absurd.
Funny
Videogame boss guide. Is this funny? I can’t really tell. At least it’s accurate.
I have brought great shame to my family
Why this kid needed to force somebody to buy a gun when he already had a gun is beyond me, but his backup plan was to force him to buy a PS3? What was the getaway plan here? Why do we have an energy crisis again when there are plenty of morons to incinerate?
The history of Evony advertisements. This game is shameless, and although the official ads don’t work, the Magnum P.I. ad on this page at least gets my interest. Hot.
Another team raising money for Child’s Play! The Desert Bus for Hope strikes for the third consecutive year, where they play a game where you just drive through a barren desert endlessly, for multiple days without stopping, as long as you’re donating money. Their pain is our gain!
How will the Desert Bus for Hope top last year's poster? Bus Hard with a Vengeance? One can hope
Non-Videogame Links
Interesting
Avatar, a film that I have for years expected to be the greatest film of all time, shows more incredible footage. Film of the year / decade / century. You heard it here first.
The greatest threat to residents of NYC? For a long time people thought it was hobos, but it’s sidewalk monsters. Beware the bag hippo, it will own you.
Song copyrights from the 70s about to run out? Artists will recover copyrights of their own songs! Dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria! This is just the countdown to when the copyright for the piano key necktie reverts to me.
Video from the top of the Burj Dubai. Ridiculous. Couldn’t pay me enough to go there. Of course, I mean Dubai.
Leopard Seal teaches photographer how to catch penguins. Preview of next week’s stunning video: Leopard Seal mercilessly butchers photographer.
Funny
The Onion strikes again. At least they’re taking a proactive stance on the extraterrestrial scourge eating away at this great nation.
Yo 'Real Life E.T.' I'm real happy for you, and I'ma let you finish, but Man Walks on the Moon was the best Onion headline of all time!
I love these ‘before they were really famous’ videos. This time it’s Jackie Chan in a Street Fighter 2 parody film from god knows when. Not only does he dress as E. Honda, but as Chun Li! Hot cross dressing action inside.
Valve Holiday cards. These are technically videogame related cards, but everybody can appreciate. Anybody who was going to get me a card: you know what to do 
I have brought great shame to my family
The best site since catsforgold.com is Pale is the New Tan. I still can’t decide whether this is all some big joke, or performance art or something, but it’s completely ridiculous. New Jersey strikes again.
A half-dozen beers a day is the key to a healthier heart? Unfortunately, the researchers who wrote this report were also the test subjects. Two weeks after this was written, they were all dead.
Did I miss anything? This week was particularly weak in terms of internet quality. Step up your game next week, or it’s on!
