Backhand of Justice

As I look back on anno domini 2009, I must admit the God of Gaming (Steven, I believe) is a fickle god. He gives us years of lean gaming crops and then all at once inundates us with a deluge of stunning titles. 2009 was truly the greatest year for videogames since the golden age in the late 1990’s.

That does not mean, however, that every game was a masterpiece. Which are worth a second look? I will break down not just the top 5 games of 2009, but also tell you which games won such venerated and eclectic awards as Game with Fattest Princess (Fat Princess), and Game With the Most Death (Demon’s Souls, where you can die even after you’re dead. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either).

Did your favorite game make the cut, or will it be left to rot with such classics as Prototype or Halo Wars? Read on for part 1 of our two part award extravaganza!

Most Underrated Game

Honorable Mention: Red Faction: Guerilla

Let’s be clear: Red Faction wasn’t a masterpiece of storytelling, or an original concept, or even a beautifully designed game. It had one thing going for it and that was its building destruction engine. Fortunately for Red Faction, this was one of the greatest tech breakthroughs in recent memory and alone made this a must-play. Too many gamers missed this phenomenal open world destruction-fest.

Winner: Henry Hatsworth and the Puzzling Adventure

Yes, I realize HH is a Nintendo DS game. I’m just as ashamed of myself as you all are. That being said, this was one of the most creative and bizarre genre mixing titles I’ve ever played. If the thought of being a British Adventurer permanently holding a teacup while exploring isn’t enough to sell you on this title, know that the platforming elements mix flawlessly with the bejeweled-esque puzzle segments. If it wasn’t for this, I’d regret my purchase of the DS, but this game alone makes it worthwhile.

Fortunately, Lance is no match for your monocled-adventurer, Henry Hatsworth. He does, however, sing a mean Aria

Most Overrated Game

Honorable Mention: Killzone 2

Killzone 2 was meant to be the be-all-end-all tour de force for the PS3 that finally proved Sony had maintained the technological edge over Microsoft and would dominate the balance of the console cycle. It had been in development for an eternity, and while it entered with a bang it left with a whimper. The graphics held up to closer scrutiny, but neither its gameplay nor its originality was very impressive.

Winner: Modern Warfare 2

Modern Warfare 2 wins this award by default. No game had more hype, and therefore such an opportunity to disappoint. The game wasn’t bad, by any means, but it wasn’t new. It was more of the same, and when stacked up against the hype that suggested Modern Warfare 2 was both the second coming of Jesus and a new flavor of Fanta rolled into one, there was nowhere to go but down.

Modern Warfare 2, more like uh ... 'Same old Warfare 2,' am I right? I kid, I kid. Seriously though ... is this game a port of Modern Warfare, or what?

Game That Most Deserves a Sequel

Honorable Mention: Infamous

Infamous was lucky to have been released before the flood of fantastic games towards the tail end of this year that would have rendered it irrelevant. That being said, its story was compelling right up until the debacle of an ending, and it was a few small tweaks away from being a great game and the concept deserves a second attempt.

Winner: 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

What can I say that hasn’t already been said about this modern classic? Fifty’s payment for a Middle Eastern Concert in which he and the G-Unit perform is a crystal skull, which is promptly stolen. He then embarks on a coming of age journey with Lloyd Banks and Tony Yayo to reclaim their beloved skull. Standing in their way is an army of terrorists and helicopters (Fifty’s sworn enemy). So compelling was this game that it was awarded a Nobel Prize for its service to humanity.

Fifty is not kidding around. He wants his skull, and he's going to get it if he has to beat it out of you. Don't make him bring Tony Yayo in here!

Craziest Game

Honorable Mention: Dead Space Extraction

It has been over 25 years since the release of the NES, and our huge increases in technology as a society have finally been put to good use in Dead Space Extraction. Oh wait, that’s right, this was the game that was a ‘guided experience,’ or light gun game. The type of thing you might find in an arcade in the mid 1990’s. Seriously, Electronic Arts? I get it, all that’s old is new again, and all that, but this was a cash grab from a great franchise.

Winner: Noby Noby Boy

People like to say Mario must have been designed while on drugs. They ain’t seen nothin’ yet. After Katamari Damacy, Keita Takahashi could do whatever he wanted. He made Noby Noby Boy. I’m just going to quote the Wikipedia article here: The player takes control of a worm-like quadrupedal character referred to as BOY. The player accumulates points by how much they stretch during gameplay. These points can be submitted online via a character called Sun to another character called GIRL. Points submitted will cause GIRL to stretch to the Moon, Mars, and Jupiter, unlocking new playable environments for Boy to stretch in.

What the fuck?

What ... the ... fuck

Worst Game

Honorable Mention: Tony Hawk Ride

I wanted to claim this was the worst game of the year. Unfortunately, I didn’t play it as I’m not willing to waste $120 on what is by all accounts a travesty of an experience. That being said, the fact that most review sites gave this their worst ever review score with comments such as ‘Busted controls and stripped-down gameplay make Tony Hawk Ride an overpriced fiasco’ earn this an honorable mention. Tony Hawk can take solace that Rogue Warrior, a game that was released this week, has an even lower Metacritic score.

Winner: Scribblenauts

I almost didn’t give Scribblenauts this year’s Worst Game award. Not because it’s a good game. On the contrary, it’s so very bad. The reason is because I almost disqualified it from the category for barely being a game. There are skeletal objectives at best, and everything about the design in Scribblenauts runs counter to what is fundamental to the experience (exploration and creativity). This is a case of a good concept wasted in the hands of inexperienced developers. Whatever the cause, this is the worst game experience I’ve had since Professor Layton.

Ah Scribblenauts, you could have been a contender

BEST GAME

Winner: The best game of 2009 is … Cabela’s Big Game Hunter 2010! Am I joking? Maybe. I do love me some big game hunting. That being said, ‘CBGH2010’ just missed the top 5 games this year (better luck next year, Cabela’s). You’ll have to return tomorrow to find out what won the prestigious ‘Best Game of 2009’ award.

Sneak preview of our additional awards: Game with the most Nolan North (Uncharted 2: Among Thieves), Game whose developer needs a lesson on basic videogame mechanics (Brutal Legend) and finally, Game that might have been fun 10 years ago (New Super Mario Bros. Wii). SICK BURN!